


Splinters

by Northofthewall



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Child Death, F/M, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Terrorism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-16
Updated: 2016-12-16
Packaged: 2018-09-09 00:44:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8869207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northofthewall/pseuds/Northofthewall
Summary: Jack and SG-1 find themselves in the middle of a slightly familiar political situation, and struggle with their new perspective.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Don't read this. It'll ruin your day. It was a story that just would not stop bugging me until I wrote it down. I'm only posting it because it's kind of important to me.

They were on the warm dusty planet of P4S-744 to check out why the Goa'uld had abandoned what seemed to be a still abundant mining operation. SG-6 had briefly investigated the planet and found the soil rich with naquadah and the people pretty simple folk. SG-1 just had a 10 klick hike through flat dusty terrain to a small town, on the other side of which was a large quarry. 

It was hot and they were in their desert gear, although it wasn't quite desert temperature. Everything was a dusty beige colour apart from the occasional spikes of grass or wizened looking trees. The wide rocky path started heading downhill and then ran parallel with a wide river. The land was more fertile here, the grass greener, the trees more plentiful. As they neared the town they spotted people, women mostly, picking fruit from orchard trees. They wore long loose dresses and carried large baskets. Happy, barefoot children played around the trees and climbed on rocks. A few ran over and skipped along side them, laughing, chattering, waving, pointing at Carter's blond hair and Teal'c's dark skin. 

Jack noticed the uneasy look the women gave them, and the two older children running off at top speed to the town. He nudged Carter beside him and nodded to alert her. He glanced at Teal'c who had clearly already noticed. It was always a fun surprise to see what kind of reception they would get. 

They rounded a rocky corner and just past the first few houses stood the children, accompanied by a middle aged man. He had what seemed to be some kind of weapon in a holster. They approached slowly. Jack noted the rooftops and open windows that could be an ambush risk and smiled at the man.  
"Greetings from Earth!"  
"Are you Tartians?" The man looked tense and Jack noticed the way he glanced at the house close to him. Jack's eyes slid subtly in the same direction and noticed the slight movement of a shadow in one of the windows.  
"No," he replied.  
He turned to Daniel. "We're not right?"  
"We're from Earth. Tau'ri?" Daniel said.  
"We came through the gate," Teal'c added.  
"You came from the water doorway? But you are not gods?" The tone of the man in front of them had noticeably changed, betraying curiosity rather than hostility.  
"Yes. The water doorway. The round thing. And no, not gods. Hi," Jack replied.  
The man's face broke out into a huge grin.  
"Then you are most welcome! Come, come! You must come, sit, eat."  
The change was dramatic. The man's round moustachioed face softened, and his smile was huge and almost infectious.  
Jack's team was looking to him to see what they were to do, so he shrugged and nodded. They followed the man as he led them further into town. Jack noticed him give a subtle dismissive wave to the house they had been standing next to. He noticed Carter noticing it too and they shared a knowing look.  
"Biggest apologies. I have not introduced myself. I am Makeen. This town is Haddad. Might I learn your names? You said you are from a place called Earth?"  
"Yes. Earth. I am Jack. That's Carter. Daniel. Teal'c."  
"Teak. Are you not a servant of the gods?"  
"No longer."  
"Ah. That is good. Come, will you eat? This is my home. You are welcome."  
He stopped and gestured for them to enter. Jack figured why not. He didn't need to be an anthropologist to know these people clearly found it important to welcome and feed guests and it was likely that any business would be done over a meal or a drink. So he nodded at Makeen and entered the home, ducking his head slightly under the lintel of the doorway. It was dark inside and it took a second for his eyes to adjust. 

Makeen's home seemed slightly more generous than the others. There was a large L shaped room with a kitchen and storage area on one side and a large lounge area on the other. Stairs led up. There was a lady in the kitchen looking with dark wide eyes as SG-1 filed in behind him. A naked toddler clung to her skirts, tugging to be picked up. An older girl came down the stairs and stopped, looking nervous.  
"This is my family," Makeen said proudly. "Well some of it. This is Atiya, my wife, my gift. Is she not beautiful? My eldest daughter, my star, Sadira. My youngest son Tawil, isn't he big? Sadira come help your mother. Come, come. These are our guests. Don't be rude. Sit sit!"  
It was Jack could do but smile and nod along and be guided to sit. He wondered if he could get away with not saying anything. Makeen was saying enough for them both. 

His team sat on low stools and Makeen sat in a slightly taller chair that clearly was his designated chair.  
"I do have more children but they are around somewhere playing no doubt."  
"How many do you have?" Carter asked.  
"I have seven children and a grandchild on the way. My eldest son married last year. Tell me about yourselves. Do you have families? Have you come here to fight? You bring large weapons with you."  
Jack didn't know which question to answer, so he picked the easier one.  
"We carry these for defence only. We haven't come to fight."  
"We come to trade and to learn about your culture," Daniel couldn't help joining in.  
"Trade? You are not what I expected. Bringing weapons but wanting to trade. But we have very little here unless you like fruit."  
"Do you know of the quarry just up the hill?" Daniel asked.  
"The place the gods used to take the magic stone from the ground?"  
"Yes."  
"We don't go there. Not even the children are allowed to play up there."  
"We would like to trade for this magic stone. We call it Naquadah."  
"And you would trade for it? Exchange goods fairly?"  
"Yes."  
"This may be possible. We don't use the stone. But the situation is complicated. There are... others who desire the stone as you do. But they prefer to take what they want by force."  
"We can't get into the middle of a dispute," Jack butted in.  
"I understand."  
"Sir, before we think about negotiating, I'd need to do an analysis to determine how much naquadah remains at the quarry," Carter said quietly.  
He nodded at her.  
"When did the gods leave?" Daniel asked.  
"Ah. Let me see. Well, many years ago now." Makeen's smiling face turned solemn. "You are not aware, I think, of the conflict here, between my people the Qumrians and the Tartian people we share this land with? You are lucky to not know of such things. But here is food and drink and you will eat and relax and we will talk yes?"  
Makeen's daughter Sadira carefully placed a tray on the large table in the centre of the space. Small pot cups clanked. There was a large plate of something that looked a little like dates but really could have been anything.  
"Thank you, Sadira, go, go." Makeen shooed his daughter away who was hovering with shy, curious eyes. She smiled apologetically and dashed back to her mother's side in the kitchen.  
"Tell us about these Tartians," Daniel said, automatically picking up a cup. "You mentioned a conflict. Did this have something to do with the Goa'uld... Gods leaving?"  
Put Makeen and Daniel together in a room and leave them to it, Jack thought smiling to himself.  
"Ah. Indeed, indeed. They are much more advanced than us. The Qumrian people, my people, are spread along this river. There are only a few towns left as the Tartians spread and... They are rich but still they want our fertile land and the rock in the hills. They don't like to share I think. Anyway, they provided too much of a challenge for the gods. The gods used us for slaves and when the Tartians all but wiped us out, they had no one left to work for them." Makeen's eyes looked sorrowful. "The Tartian people wouldn't submit. The gods left."  
Jack looked across at the shocked faces of the more sensitive members of his team.  
"You mean the Tartians wiped out almost an entire people just to get rid of the Goa'uld?" Carter asked, looking horrified.  
"Oh god," Daniel muttered.  
"It was effective was it not?" Makeen said. "Please. Do not concern yourself with such sadness. We are here now. We have a good life. We are few but we are happy. Please, drink, eat."  
Daniel sipped the drink and Jack frowned at him.  
"We have to," Daniel mouthed silently at him.  
Jack sighed, and then acquiesced. He picked up a cup, held it out to toast Makeen with a nod which was reciprocated, and sipped. The liquid was clearly alcoholic, sharp and slightly sweet and probably not too strong. Carter was watching him, and she followed, smiling at Makeen with sad eyes. Teal'c queried Jack silently and he shook his head subtly. Makeen was watching them intently.  
"Good, good. And eat. These are good. Very nice." He picked up a large piece and bit into it.  
Jack shrugged at Daniel who was giving him questioning eyes about the food. Carter was actually the first to try it.  
"Dates. It's just dates," she smiled.  
Makeen nodded happily and they all tried some.  
"So Makeen, how much of a problem are these Tartians for you?" Jack asked. "We'd be interested in trading with you but not if there's ongoing conflict. We can't get involved. I'm sorry."  
Makeen sat back in his chair. "Then it is likely we will all be disappointed. I said they are interested in our land. Even after almost wiping us out they are not content. They have been slowly forcing us from the land. It has been relatively quiet lately, but some recent... actions... I think will escalate matters. We... we don't all agree on how to handle matters. There is a faction among us that take a more... extreme stance. Many of us do not agree but we all feel the same pain and fear. That is all I can say. I'm sorry."  
"Some of you fight for your freedom?" Teal'c asked.  
"No. Some of us kill. There is a difference. I will not speak of it more. Now, will you join us tonight for a feast in your honour? I cannot take no for an answer. If our people are not to be trading partners then we should at least be friends and we are most honoured by your visit. Please."  
Jack's team was looking at him.  
"Sure. Sounds great."  
"Excellent! Excellent!" Makeen said, as if he almost hadn't been expecting their agreement. "Sadira, Sadira! Go fetch your brothers and sisters and on the way tell Zulema we are to feast tonight."  
"We don't want to put you to any trouble," Carter said apologetically.  
"Trouble? Why not at all and you are kindness to think of it Cantara."  
"Carter," she corrected.  
"Canta?"  
"Close enough," Jack smiled.  
"There will be celebrations anyway so now they will just be bigger. This is excellent."  
"So. Friends," Daniel lifted his cup in toast to Makeen who didn't seem to know the ritual but copied with a joyous smile. 

They finished their drinks and dates and excused themselves to go let Carter scan rocks. The word seemed to be out, men and women peered curiously at them from doorways while children ran around them as they walked. Jack couldn't help but smile at the bright faces. Daniel looked bemused. Carter was grinning widely. Even Teal'c looked mildly entertained by the escort they had. By the time they reached the edge of the quarry Jack was fully engaged in a game he liked to call "scare the children" where he'd do anything he could think of to get them to jump and scream with laughter. As predicted, none of them came near the quarry. They all ran off home or elsewhere to play. 

The quarry had been left as it was, mining equipment, tents, everything a Goa'uld needed for a naquadah slave mine. Carter started scanning and Teal'c watched her back while Jack escorted Daniel around the place as he poked at stuff.  
"It was Apophis," Daniel said, flicking through some papers in one of the tents.  
"Ah. Think he'll be back?"  
"I don't know. But I'm guessing these Tertian people have some pretty decent technology if they saw the Goa'uld off successfully."  
"Maybe we should go find these guys?"  
"After what they did to the Qumrians?"  
"I'm not saying that didn't happen, but you gotta be sensible about these things."  
"Oh right. We want their technology so who cares?"  
"Daniel, I didn't say that. I just mean, we shouldn't judge until we've seen both sides."  
"Sorry. You're right. Actually Makeen was saying something that sounded suspiciously like they had some rebel fighters. You know... terrorists."  
"I noticed that."  
"We can't get involved."  
"I know. This is a shit show waiting to happen. Let's go find Carter and Teal'c."

"What you got Carter?" Jack asked, approaching the Major who was crouched over some of her science stuff.  
"High naquadah levels all around sir. Seems to still be a decent amount here, and in high concentrations. Better than sifting it from soil."  
"Great. So... anything else or can we go get our feast now?"  
"All done sir, just give me a minute to pack my things up."  
He nodded at Carter then turned to Daniel who shrugged and shook his head.  
"Great. I wonder if they have goat?"

There wasn't goat, but there was something similar to lamb, which was served either minced with herbs or deliciously spiced on a skewer. There was a lot more of the alcoholic drink. There was flat bread to go with the mince and some kind of yogurt like dish. Tables had been pulled from homes and set up in the middle of the town. Lamps sat on tables. Young women and girls carried trays of food from homes. Children ran around laughing and screaming, clearly overexcited and getting shouted at for it by their parents or older siblings. SG-1 were sat in the centre and Makeen who seemed to be some kind of head figure in the town, sat opposite them with his wife Atiya. A few of their other children wriggled beside them, being forced to sit and eat but clearly wanting to get up and play.  
"The food is delicious Makeen," Jack said, stuffing minced lamb into his mouth with a piece of flatbread.  
"Yes, thank you," Carter said, directing it more towards Atiya who smiled hesitantly, before returning her attentions to the toddler in her lap who was smacking a handful of mince onto the table top.  
"Makeen, who are they?" Jack nodded across the street to a group of young men with weapons, that gave Jack a bad feeling. He couldn't put his finger on it. Maybe it was instinct. On the surface the men seemed to be celebrating, but there was something arrogant about the way they held themselves. Something very inward and bitter. And anger, he recognised the anger. Destructive anger. Blind anger.  
"Oh just boys who think they can fight the world and win because they have righteousness on their side."  
"I've met the type."  
"You have the same thing where you are from I think yes?"  
"Yeah. Sadly. A lot."  
"They will not succeed. Only in increasing hatred and wiping us all out. But they are our children and our husbands and our brothers and they have a right to their anger so what can we do?"  
"I don't have the answer Makeen."  
"No."  
Makeen sighed and tousled the hair of the boy sitting beside him. Jack grabbed a kebab thing and dipped it in the yoghurt and ate, watching Carter making silly faces at the bright eyed little girl across from her.  
"Jack?" Daniel said quietly in his ear.  
"What is it Daniel?" Jack said, already sensing a difficult conversation coming.  
"If those men are terrorists, then surely these people have the power to stop them."  
"We don't know that they are."  
"Come on. It's obvious. How do people like this fight someone much bigger and much more powerful?"  
"Ok. Say you're right. Maybe their methods aren't approved of exactly, but if their cause is just then maybe it's hard for the Qumrians to stymie them. And maybe when it comes down to it, they can't."  
"So it's ok?"  
"No it's not ok. What do you want me to say Daniel?"  
"I don't know. I'm just feeling really uncomfortable with this whole thing."  
"Me too. We're going to go have a big long chat with Hammond tomorrow and see about meeting these Tartians, and get a little more perspective on this thing."  
"Or maybe we just don't even touch this thing with a barge pole, leave and never come back."  
"Maybe."

Jack didn't know how to feel. This whole thing felt uncomfortably familiar. Even the landscape, the way the almost grey dust seemed to get everywhere. The sandy houses. The dark eyed, barefoot children. The quiet women in kitchens and the dangerous looking but welcoming men. The hospitality. The names and the food. But mostly those young men. Those were the faces of the men and boys he'd shot in Iraq. Exactly the same faces. Exactly the same look in their eyes. Exactly the same sad fear behind the eyes of every father and mother. But he was on the wrong side. Wasn't he? 

Carter now had the little girl on her lap and was braiding her hair while the girl pulled at Carter's short blonde hair with disbelief. He didn't have the heart to tell her not to get attached.  
"It's real as well," Jack said conspiratorially to the little girl, leaning closer.  
Carter tutted.  
"Is it made of gold?" The girl asked.  
"No it's made of stardust."  
"Sir!" She objected.  
"What?" He said in all innocence.  
She just tutted again.  
"Sir, this is Raja. Raja this is Jack."  
"Hi. Nice to meet you," Jack said.  
"She's making my hair pretty."  
"You're already pretty."  
Raja grinned brightly.  
"You're such a flirt sir," Carter said with amusement in her tone.  
"I've had practice. Date?" He offered a plate of dates to Carter, laughing to himself at her double take to his teasing pun. 

They refused to take up beds in Makeen's home and set tents up just outside the town in one of the orchards. Jack was strict on the watch rota, feeling uneasy about the current situation. He'd overheard a snippet of a conversation about some successful operation in the city and feared the worst, as well as the inevitable retaliation that would follow. He needed a big chat with Hammond. 

They were harangued into taking breakfast with Makeen and his family before leaving. It was a chaotic affair with children sitting everywhere and generous helpings of a sweet bread thing with a jam filling, some cheese ball things, and a drink that was kind of tea like. Teal'c had a fan club of older boys. Raja sat adoringly beside Carter. Daniel was getting irritated by a young boy pulling his glasses off his face. As for himself, he was pulling faces at little Tawil who couldn't have been more than two, as his pudgy hands kept stealing food from his sister's plate. 

"Makeen. Thank you for your hospitality and your friendship. You have a beautiful family. We need to leave and speak to our... leader, to discuss the potential for trade," Jack spoke up when his team had clearly finished eating and were waiting for his nod to leave.  
"I see. Will you be back?"  
"I hope so but I honestly don't know."  
Makeen stood as if he was about to give a speech.  
"Jak, Danil, Teak, and Canta. My heart is glad to have known you and shared time with you all. Thank you for your friendship. I wish you good travels."  
"Thank you Makeen," Jack stood and his team followed. 

It was pretty hard to leave with all the children hanging off them and some of them skipping along side as they left the town. They had to be shooed back home at the last orchard.  
"We should bring them something when we come back," Daniel said. "Like candy."  
"Yeah coz they need to be more hyper. I'm sure Makeen and Atiya will love that," Carter said.  
"Perhaps they require toys," Teal'c said, kind of surprising Jack.  
"We don't even know if we're coming back," he said, ruining the mood. 

The hike back was hard. It was hotter now and after the slope taking them up out of the river valley, it was ever so slightly uphill the entire way back to the gate. They reached the gate hot, tired and fed up. Jack decided the debriefing needed to be in person so they dialled up and went home. They could all do with a shower anyway. 

"I can understand your concerns Colonel," General Hammond leant forward on the briefing room table. "But if these Tartian people are advanced enough to successfully see off the Goa'uld it might be worth, at the very least, meeting them and seeing for yourself."  
"I have to agree General."  
"But..." Daniel started.  
"I know it's an uneasy situation but these things are rarely one sided. Besides, the IOA will all but demand it as soon as they get my report."  
"Sir, permission to visit Haddad on the way?"  
"I don't think that's a sensible idea, considering your mission."  
"I can tell them we'll try and find a peaceful solution for them. Daniel can do it. He's good at that. Besides, we've got to take candy to the kids."  
"Ok granted, but do not let it get in the way of your primary objective."  
"Yes sir."  
"Alright then. Dismissed."

Fed, showered, and rested, the team headed back out the next day, but the mood was sour. Nobody really wanted to visit the Tartians. Not even Carter, despite the lure of interesting tech for her to drool over. The only bright spot was taking a little detour through the town of Haddad and handing out candy from Daniel's bag to Makeen's kids. 

Jack knew before they'd even got close, despite assuring himself he was being paranoid. Was it experience? Was it a certain smell? Or the stillness? It was making his skin prickle with apprehension and giving him a sick, tight feeling in his throat. He didn't mention it to his team. He didn't want to worry them unnecessarily. They hit the edge of the orchards and found them unusually empty. Jack's stomach sunk, and he hoped it was something simple like a town gathering or they'd all been relocated by the Tartians. They all stopped in their tracks at the first dead body. A heap that had been a woman. Jack felt the light go out of his team's minds.  
"There's more," Carter pointed further up the road and just off into a field. 

That's when he heard it. The unnatural wailing of utter despair. He knew that sound intimately. It turned his tongue to dust and darkness started spiralling out of his heart. He looked at Teal'c who looked back and knew.  
"Sir?" Carter had a slightly panicked look on her face. He wished he could protect her from this.  
"Come on."  
That's all he could say. Come on, let's go see how many people are dead. Come on let's go count faces we knew.  
But he knew. He just knew. It wasn't some of them. It was all of them. It was confirmed when the group of dead by the side of the road consisted of mostly women with a child in the middle. Jack just stared at it. Carter and Daniel turned away looking pale and hollow.  
"Why?" Daniel whispered, his eyes begging Jack to have some sane miraculous answer.  
Jack turned and walked onwards numbly. On the doorstep of the first house knelt a man holding the body of a young boy. There wasn't enough of the boy left. The man's wails had turned to deep grunts of pain. It was too... he couldn't... He turned to his team. For the first time, desperately needing them. Carter wasn't looking at him. It looked like she was struggling to breathe. Daniel seemed to be in shock. Teal'c was amazing. Jack watched as he went to the man and knelt with him and gently pulled the father from the son and into his embrace. He couldn't watch any more. His throat was cloying up with tight blackness. He turned and looked down the street, noticing bodies in doorways and a few in the street.  
"Raja!" Carter's cry pushed gurgling from her mouth. She broke into a run.  
"No! Major! No!" Shit. He ran after her.  
"Carter. Stop. It's no good."  
She was completely deaf to him and running surprisingly fast.  
"Carter god damn it stop! STOP!"  
He followed as she barrelled into Makeen's home. Makeen was dead at the bottom of the stairs. He grabbed Carter's hand but she pushed him away and dashed upstairs three steps at a time. He followed so unwillingly. And with heavy slow steps. Not like last time. Last time he'd been Carter. But he knew better now. He knew what lay in that room and what he would see and how pointless it was to go up there. But he had to fetch Carter. He found her standing in a large bedroom. They obviously all slept in here together. Atiya and her children. All of them. Still. Absent. Carter was waiting for them to move. Breathe. Wake up. Scorching from weapons fire all around the room. Blood splatters. Staring lifeless eyes. It had likely only taken seconds. Raja's braid was falling out. It looked like she was sleeping. Tawil's tiny hand still clutched a wooden spoon. He looked like a doll. Perfect but unreal. It was wrong how cold the room felt. 

He didn't try and touch her this time.  
"Carter."  
She looked through him with wild eyes and dashed past and down the stairs. He made himself look at every single face until it was burnt into his memory with pain that felt physical. Then he made his way downstairs, his feet dragging the rest of him that still felt attached to something in that room. 

He found her kneeling in the dirt outside, bent double clutching herself tight like she could keep her guts from falling out. He knelt down in front of her. She had tears streaming down her face and was crying so hard she made no sound.  
"Breathe," he said.  
She pressed her face against his knee and took squeaky shuddering breaths and he stroked her back. When the noise came it wasn't much better. Her low wailing tore at what remained of his heart. And then she was lurching away and vomiting. She sipped water from her canteen with shaking hands and left it on the ground beside her. He looked back down the road and noticed Daniel trailing numbly after Teal'c who was checking houses. He turned back to Carter who was now gasping as she cried, and he knew her mind was grappling with reality and incredulity. Then it hit her all over again, remembering some little detail, some new fresh pain, and she spun to him and clutched him desperately. He wrapped his arms around her and let her cry weakly against his chest. Teal'c and Daniel approached. Upon seeing Carter, Daniel sunk to his knees and just stared at her. He had tears running down his face too. 

"Makeen?" Teal'c asked, with haunted eyes and a tone that betrayed he already knew.  
Jack shook his head.  
"I have information," Teal'c pulled himself up.  
"Thanks."  
Teal'c moved his gaze down to look with concern at Carter who was was trying to pull herself together. Jack could feel her fast shuddering breaths.  
"I believe there are almost no survivors." Teal'c spoke slowly. "The man I found was working with the animals. He informed me that the day before we arrived there had been a succession of attacks in the city. Bombs that took the lives of nearly a hundred people. This was the retaliation. O'Neill, this is not the way to win freedom."  
"No it's not."  
"The man believed there were only a handful of soldiers. This attack was recent, they cannot have gone far."  
Jack looked at Teal'c, aware of the information he was giving him. Aware of why. Carter sat up. She looked up at Teal'c. Then across to Daniel. She didn't look at him. She just took his hand. There was a breathing space for pain to start biting at him. He didn't like it. 

"What the fuck did I bring this fucking candy for!" Daniel shouted, leaping to his feet and making Carter jump. He stormed over to Makeen's house and smashed a bench to bits that had been sitting just outside the door, while he screamed out his rage. They all watched as Daniel's fire burnt out and he slid down the wall and put his head in his hands. Carter stood up and he found himself standing with her.  
"Where?" She asked Teal'c coldly.  
Teal'c just pointed.  
"Jack?" She fixed him with a terrifying gaze. He noticed the lack of salutation. She'd used his name. The personal touch. Because this was personal. Because this wasn't an order. In fact it was a direct violation of their standing orders. He squeezed her hand. He'd go with her because he had to, for so many reasons. "Daniel?" She queried.  
Jack knew it was a mistake.  
"What?"  
"Are you coming?"  
"Coming to what? Oh. What, seriously? You think that's going to help?! Yes! Of course! The soldiers think that more death will fix all the death!" He scoffed. "Go on then! Go do what you guys do best! Make everything better with your precious guns!"  
"Screw you Daniel," Carter stormed off.  
"O'Neill. Do you require my assistance?" Teal'c asked, and Jack knew he would come with him if asked.  
"Stay here with Daniel."  
He ran off after Carter. 

She was walking so fast he was almost having to jog to keep up. He didn't dare say anything. He wondered if the fire would burn out before they got there. But it didn't. She moved like a terrible, raging cloud, and it touched him like a contagion. Making a tiny crack into that unsavoury part of himself. And so he followed her ferocity up behind a ridge where they spied a camp not too far away. There were six well armed soldiers sitting around drinking. There was a lump lying near them that may have been another body. The familiar sound of soldiers relaxing felt acrid on his tongue and set his jaw to steel. The contrast between their easy body language and the stiff bloodied bodies of beautiful children caused a frothing, frenzied wrath to bubble in his veins. His muscles twitched with impulse. It was going to be too easy.  
"Are you with me sir?"  
"Of course."

They didn't need to talk. They didn't need to plan. They used hand signals and crept closer and efficiently put bullets into the heads of every single one of them. Not a man among them got a shot off in response.

"Daniel was right," she said feebly, looking around at the blood. It soaked into the dust and grass differently than wooden floor and mattresses.  
"No," he said, without even thinking.  
"Look. Look! They were soldiers. Just like us. They have insignia, rank, orders."  
"They're not like us."  
"What have I done?!" She was spinning around, gesturing wildly at the massacre, her voice going high pitched and slightly hysterical.  
"Carter! Look at me! Carter!" He grabbed her lapels and forced her to look at him. Her blue eyes were impossibly wide, and fixed his with a horrified, pleading stare.  
"They are not like us. Do you hear me?" He almost shouted to get it to sink in.  
"But their city was attacked. Innocent people died. Probably children..."  
"There is no excuse to do that to a child. No excuse! Raja and Tawil didn't plant that bomb. If ordered to do this, would you?"  
"No!"  
"I have done some damn distasteful stuff in my time Carter. But I never killed children. Babies."  
"Never?"  
"A 16 year old pointing a gun at me in a war zone in Iraq, yes. My son, by accident, yes. But innocent children, on purpose, no."  
She visibly sagged as she realised, probably for the first time, exactly how close to home this all was for him. He saw her personal dismay turn to pity, and she looked at him intently, assessing. He badly didn't want to show her his pain. He couldn't.  
"You didn't kill Charlie."  
"We're not talking about that now Carter."  
"Were you ever ordered to... to...?"  
"Kill children? Yes."  
"Why?"  
"I had to take out an entire house full of people. Sneak in. Kill everyone. It was known there were families in there too. It always happened. They use their families like shields. I was ordered to use explosives and take out as many in one go as possible. I didn't. I shot the men and a woman that caused trouble and left the children. One older boy escaped because of that and I got in trouble."  
"You did the right thing."  
"It doesn't always feel like it. People died because of my mistake. But it's not my black ops days that prick my conscience."  
"No, I know."  
"Carter. They were monsters. No matter the order. We always have a choice don't we?"  
"Yes."  
"Walking away, hell even court martial is preferable than murdering children."  
"It doesn't fix anything though."  
"No."  
"It doesn't even make me feel better. I just feel... empty, and sick, and... dead."  
"I know." He curled a hand around her head and pulled her close. She wrapped arms around his waist.  
"Do you ever cry?" She whispered.  
He never did. Sara left him because he never did. His son's blood all over his hands and he never did. Because he didn't deserve it. He wasn't a monster and he hadn't done it on purpose but it had been his fault and Charlie wasn't coming back because he'd been lazy and careless and Sara had died that day too because of his mistake. Charlie.  
"Jack? You're allowed to cry now."  
He fought against the tenderness in her voice and how it reached inside him and touched his pain. But the sucking blackness in his gut built and the tight clawing at his throat burst and a strange noise spluttered from his mouth. Silent rooms where there should be squeaks of laughter. Empty beds. Big beautiful innocent eyes. And he was safe here wasn't he, in the comfort of her embrace? He breathed the sob out, trying to control it as tears dropped onto Carter's head and shoulder. He squeezed her tighter and desperately tried to wrap it all back up. He wasn't ready to let it all out. Maybe he never would be. He let the tears flow for a bit and took some long deep breaths. She looked up at him and caressed his cheek. She pressed a tender kiss to his lips and pulled away from him. He stood and watched her do a quick sweep of the area, that they really should have done before the cuddling. 

"Sir! Oh god. Here sir!"  
He hurried over. The lump he had feared was a dead body was a young lady. Tied up. Abused. And very much alive. Carter rearranged her clothing and checked her for serious injury and he picked the girl up. She was alive but mute, with gritted teeth and tight jaw, and her eyes were dead and vacant. Carter was looking at him with this little glint of hope. This desperate need for there to be some tiny moment of good. He couldn't tell her that this girl might just want to be dead right now. That he could tell just by looking at her that she was broken. Likely watched her family murdered before being horrendously abused. But Carter needed this.  
"See Carter? It was worth it. We rescued her."  
"It'll do," she said. 

Daniel didn't say anything when they arrived back. Carrying the girl past both Daniel and Teal'c wordlessly, to the grieving father.  
"Oh god look," Daniel said. A small figure emerged from one of the homes. A girl of about five. Tear tracks on her face and a blank expression. Splatters of blood over her and a ripped dress. She stumbled and limped almost unseeing towards them. Carter practically tripped over herself to get to the girl. It wasn't Raja but it might as well have been. 

There followed an uncomfortable, somber time of providing basic first aid and trying to persuade Carter to let the girl go. The surviving man insisted on taking both the girls to the next village where they had relatives. Nobody said it but he knew they were all wondering how long the girls would survive before the next massacre. But there was nothing to be done. There was no way they could go to the Tartians now. They had to go home and face the music, no matter what tune it played. 

The hike back was slow and painful and hushed. Jack's team looked as numb as he felt.  
"Daniel... I'm sorry," Carter spoke in low tones behind him. "You were right and I shouldn't have..."  
"Except I wasn't right was I?"  
"We got lucky, finding the girl. Daniel... Killing those men... it did nothing but add more blood to the ground."  
"A few less monsters on the planet."  
"I don't think it's as simple as that."  
"No. No it isn't."  
"We all think we have a line we won't cross and then something happens and the line moves and we tell ourselves this new line is ok, it's still a line."  
"Sam, in our line of work, we're always going to be playing with the line."  
"You know I thought I'd never kill in anger? That it would be too much like murder. Coz I'm supposed to be a tool, a weapon, and it's just a job, not personal. But then I squished Seth right into the ground."  
"But he was a Goa'uld."  
"Yes and I told myself it was ok that I got angry, because a Goa'uld doesn't count. My line moved Daniel. And today it moved again. I killed... murdered, three men, in cold blood. What if one of them had been ordered but couldn't do it? What if one of them stayed behind? What if one of them was innocent? I killed him anyway. I just shot them without questioning it at all. I have to live with that. Where's my line now? How can we say certain lines are uncrossable when they move all the time spending on the situation?"  
"Sam," Daniel sighed. "The problem... is that you just can't tell people not to want retribution. If people are raging inside at the pain and injustice... They all want to do what you just did. Most of the time people aren't in a position to do anything about it. And the people that are... well, most of the time it involves innocent people dying. Because when you get that desperate with hate you go blind. Look at the splinters I got in my hand... It's just like that."  
"You don't see the splinters."

**Author's Note:**

> Every dead child was based on photographs of real dead children in recent war situations, and is dedicated to their memory. I wrote this for them. 
> 
> The general landscape and people were based on my visit to the West Bank. 
> 
> I hope not to offend anyone and have tried really hard to write a balanced perspective, but it was really difficult. If you have any criticisms, you're probably right. 
> 
> Now go look at kitten pictures, or even better donate to charity. Shoutout for Sanctuary4kids.


End file.
